Is Showing Up Stewardship?
How do I steward what God has given me?
I knew I was weary and operating without margins, but I thought launching a book as a first-time author was supposed to be a herculean feat.
You see, the past two months have been marked by high highs and low lows, exhaustion, and at times, paralyzing anxiety about anything and everything going on. Reliving David’s life and death (Feb-April) during this Lenten season while also launching an emotionally-heavy-yet-hopeful book has been physically and emotionally costly.
So last week my spiritual director Joy wisely asked, “Tiffany, what is your role in this book launch and what is God’s role?”
What indeed? What is your role and mine in partnering with God to faithfully cultivate and steward the gifts, talents, experiences, time, resources, and opportunities he’s given to each of us? Where does our work stop and his work start? How do we know that what we’re doing is enough?
“Well,” I solemnly stated, “No one is going to steward this story more so than me. I’m the author. It’s my job to see that it launches well.” And that I don’t disappoint the publisher who took a risk on an unknown author with no platform, prove fruitless the sacrifices Jason and Emma Ruth made the past three years so I could write this book, embarrass my extended family, and ultimately squander the opportunity given to me by God to tell of his faithfulness.
Somewhere along the way, I’d confused being the human author of Mourning God with being responsible for the book’s outcome. I’d claimed ownership over the success or failure of the book (which is subjective to the one doing the measuring) and determined that unless the key people in my life were “pleased” with the book, I had failed.
As I fumbled over my response and tried to nuance it, I realized that I didn’t have a way to measure the “success” of the book. I just wanted to be a faithful steward, but without concrete and tangible action steps, I was quickly running myself into the ground.
Joy gently prompted, “Tiffany, you’ve already completed your role. You said, ‘Yes!’ to his invitation to write this book with God.” What? Surely that can’t be it. There must be more?!?!
She continued, “The role of the triune God includes the reception of the book, the responses of the readers, and the healing of hearts. God will be the one to provide the appropriate community and resources to those who are mourning. You cannot be or do that for them.”
And once again, I was confronted with my own limitations and the unrealistic expectations I set for myself. Yes, I had the joy of writing Mourning God with God, but I’m only one of the many characters in the story of redemption God is writing. At times, I even get to be the narrator, but the only omniscient narrator is God. The truth is, I don’t know who will read Mourning God and how they will receive it. That’s beyond my control.
And the same is true for you. Your skills. Your experiences. Your relationships. Your passions. They all belong to God. Yes, you have a role to play, but the outcome isn’t solely dependent upon you.
Perhaps the most concrete thing you and I can do is simply to keep showing up and earnestly seeking the Lord.
To keep praying for the wisdom, discernment, and the desire to be obedient to his will, both individually and collectively. To keep discipling our children in love. To keep inviting that lonely neighbor over for dinner. To keep praying for justice in our cities and unity in our churches. To keep our ears open, our hearts willing, and our hands ready to respond to his call.
I honestly don’t know what stewarding the message of Mourning God with faithfulness looks like after March 3. You may not yet know your next steps regarding the specific calling God has placed on your life. God could ask you to relocate jobs and move or to volunteer as a greeter at church. He could invite you to lead the AA meeting or to strike up a conversation with the passenger next to you on the flight.
But this I know. You bring your participation, and the Lord will use it as he sees fit to produce the harvest. In God’s capable hands, nothing is wasted.
May you sense the goodness of God in whatever season you find yourself and know that he delights in you and in your participation with him.